solstice blessings to us all

it’s fitting that there was snowfall last night, calm and quiet, with little wind to usher in the shortest day of the year.

many people, myself as well sometimes, don’t enjoy the snow or cold or bitterness that seems to trail after every thing and one this time of year, but the snow last night was a welcome one.

waking up to a pristine unbothered whiteness and a crisp chill was a reminder to take it easy and to take the time to slow down, dress warmly and go with intention into the new cycle.

on this shortest day of the year, i will be taking the time to reflect on the last 12 months and meditate on how i’d like to spend the next 12 upcoming.

we can leave the past behind us, but we do ourselves a great disservice if we fail to learn from both our triumphs and mistakes.

i would implore you to also make a moment to sit with yourself, to check in, and to take stock of what’s important to you. it’s okay if those things aren’t the same as they once were. people grow and change, and with that, their priorities.

may you find peace and happiness with your life, your self, and those around you in the coming year.

happy solstice.

xx

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christmases are really hard

i don’t think i’ve had a proper christmas since the year i stood in front of my mother, pleading with her that she get up off her chair and help me set up the christmas tree on christmas eve.

she never did.

she wouldn’t even look at me, asking if it was so wrong of her to want her children with her for christmas, like i wasn’t even there.

my brother had declined to come home, and somehow, my being home instead wasn’t good enough or even considered any sort of reason for festivities and yuletide fun at all.

she didn’t budge and my dad and i, dejected but trudging along because what else could we do?, made the best of it, just the two of us, putting up the tree and making dinner.

fast forward a few years and my parents are now divorced and i’m not a teenager begging for my mother to love me anymore, but seeing happy families with their perfect trees and their trauma-free yule time celebrations is just… really bittersweet.

i know it’s not the tree itself that’s important. the tree is inconsequential. nor is the fact that i don’t have any ornaments.

i don’t even know if i want a christmas tree and i’m actually feeling quite stupid for feeling so upset over such a dumb thing, but i told myself a while back that i would learn to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

i guess this is a part of that.

anyway, christmases may be hard, but i do try to remember that there are good things as well as bad and that bad things don’t last forever, even if the hurts tend to.

maybe tomorrow i’ll go out and pick out a tree and decorate it as ridiculously as i can with what i have on hand.

wouldn’t that be fun?

xx